I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
