I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
