Just fell off a train. Bad.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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