can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
