he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
