last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
