Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize