I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
