someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
