I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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