The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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