the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
