Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
