I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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