Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Randomize
