You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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