i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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