I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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