Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
