What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
