I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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