C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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