Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
