Dual....:-)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize