So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
