Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
