remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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