is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
