I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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