i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
