does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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