I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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