why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
