how do flat chested girls get laid?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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