I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
