I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
