Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
