tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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