I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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