her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
