Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
