Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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