Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
