Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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