Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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