Umm I'm too high to move.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
