Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How naked do you want me to be?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
