Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
