He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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