just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
