a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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