Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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