I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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