So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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