I just saw a hot homeless man
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
