The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
