These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
