looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
