you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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