I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
