So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
