I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
