I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
