I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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