you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
