Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
