It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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