It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
