I think my fart just growled at me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
