grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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