In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
