I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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