rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have aggressive nipples.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
