it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
