You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
